In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Wall to Wall.”
It was only a few years ago that every wall was covered with pictures, posters, paintings and collages of my husband and youngest son. I was in the midst of grieving for two of the most treasured people in my life. My surviving daughter and son were convinced that I was a ‘pod’ person. They didn’t want to visit because they thought that it felt like a mausoleum or a funeral home. And those dreaded words that were bound to come sooner than later, “I want my Mom back.” They knew their mom as a confident, strong woman that drove two hours everyday to a hospital to treat patients in the Hepatology department. She drove the two hours home making patient calls to check on them. She had a thirty year marriage that was stronger than any relationship they had ever known. She was in the emergency room with their brother at least two or three times a week for his whole life.
Who is this person who can’t get out of bed, string three words together much less have a two-way conversation, couldn’t cook, couldn’t work, or be a mom. It was January, 2010 when I finally had enough of looking at my house with reminders at each turn. I hired an organizer to help me clear the chaos that was my home. I kept the few things that were important to me and stored some others, There was painting and remodeling , new floors and a dining room. The more space that we took back the less cob webs and clutter was in my mind. A veil of fog began to lift. Instead of the black and white that I had lived in for those past years were slowly turning colors and the clouds were fluffy white.
All of those old pictures came down and my water colors, paintings from china, canvases of photos that I had taken in my travels with my kids, and scrolls from Thailand adorned my walls. It now feels free when I walk in, and puts a smile on my face. Max and Crystal come over, even with their friends. My walls no longer crush or close in on me. They are beautiful reminders of my family that never dies. We are still together, the five of us.